Touching God

"Can I touch God?'

The question came from my {very} inquisitive 3 year old as we casually discussed the differences between people and the fact that God made us. I paused and decided to answer the question in the manner in which it was asked by a very practical, logical, matter-of-fact child, who was thinking purely in terms of the physical. "No..." I said, and explained that God is invisible.

However, that simple, childlike question has been reverberating through my mind since yesterday. How I wish I could truly, physically "touch God" like the woman healed in Luke 8:43-38 or like poor "doubting" Thomas in John 20:27! Their experience in touching the flesh of Jesus (or even just His robe) is enviable, and I can't wait for heaven, when I presume I will be able to not only bow my face before the Lord, but also enjoy the warm embrace of friendship.
But although I cannot now run into His arms or physically feel the firm, assuring grip of His hand, the very fact that He was here in flesh and blood and accomplished redemption for me by shedding that blood means that I can "touch God" in a very real way.

"This was in accordance with the eternal purpose which He carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him." - Eph. 3:11-12

Wow! Jesus has made it possible for me to have that real, personal access to God.
And as mind-blowing as this truth is, something that I find at least equally staggering is the fact that, unlike some distant sovereign holding out a scepter, GOD touches ME. My morning scripture reading today reminded me of this:

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand...for I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.'" - Isaiah 41:10, 13

The Creator of the universe reaches out HIS hand. His mighty, star-spinning, world-holding, wind-stopping, disease-healing hand. To touch me. To calm me, as a parent would reassuringly touch a fearful child. From walking with Adam in the garden to reaching out to heal a leper, all of scripture is full of instances of God Himself reaching out to personally touch His people. What an incredible God we have, who is not far off or a cold, lifeless statue, but a caring, tender, affectionate, STRONG God who imparts confidence, courage, healing, and peace through His touch.

Image source: Flikr (Fruity Monkey)

So, yes, dear one, we can "touch God." And amazingly, He touches us.

Getting Closer {and the Wish List link}!

I can't believe how close we are coming to being licensed foster parents! We sent in more than 50 pages of paperwork about two weeks ago, which was the remainder. Whew! What a relief it was to finally drop that in the mail! Our last round of training is next week, May 28-30. And one more visit with our licensor! Then we wait! Thank you so much for continuing to pray with us as we inch forward with this crazy adventure God has called us to.

Many of you have asked how you can help, so I wanted to post a link to our Amazon Baby Wish List!

https://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/1ODCGNGZJWKFT/ref=cm_sw_r_ip_wl_o_Rlcwvb03TY8K9

There isn't a whole lot on there yet, but we do need a few things before we get a placement, like crib sheets, a laundry hamper, etc. Age and gender specific items will have to wait, since we have no way of knowing that yet. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

Thank you so much!

Moving Right Along

Dear friends, I apologize for not posting an update here on my blog since our initial announcement (see here)! If you are a follower or mine or Travis's on Facebook, you know I haven't been remiss in posting updates of our progress in getting our foster care license, but I know there are some of you who are not part of the "Facebook world" who would like to know what's going on! Here's a bit of a timeline of what we've accomplished since our orientation in March:

PAPERWORK. 

SO. 

MUCH. 

PAPERWORK. 

And from what I've heard, it's just the beginning, so we better get used to it. We got right down to this first stack of paperwork, and let me tell you, it's intense. Everything from "what's your primary language" (easy!) to "describe how you will support and participate in a child's safe reunification with his/her parents or guardians" (not so easy!). But we press on. We've been filling it out in stages, and we are in view of the finish line. Yay!

Our first completed paperwork went in within a couple of days of receiving the packet. The official application was pretty simple, and got the ball rolling. Dropping that envelope in the mail felt like letting go of life as we know it.

Soon after we submitted the initial paperwork, we had to go and get fingerprinted! Don't worry, we passed.

One of the next things we did was paint the "baby room"! We chose a light shade of gray with a dark gray contrast wall, hoping it would be a good "jumping-off point" for a gender-neutral woodland animal themed room.

THE CONTINUING SAGA OF THE PAPERWORK.

CPR and first aid training was next! We took a day-long class in Colville and got our two-year certification. It was a lot of info to take in, and practicing on the dummy was kind of interesting, but hopefully our little world is now a safer place.

Woah! This huge box arriving on the front porch really made things seem real! We ordered a special convertible crib from Walmart.com. Our license will hopefully be for children 2 and under, so it will be great to have a crib that can adapt, depending on what age we are placed with.

Halfway through April, my parents came to visit for a very special reason- to see me, of course!  :) Well, that too, but really they came because I asked my very talented Dad to paint a special mural on the wall of our nursery. I am so blessed that he agreed!

Fortunately, my little brother also came and was a big help to Travis- putting together the crib, as well as installing safety catches on all the kitchen cupboards and making sure our outlets were protected. We now also have a baby gate installed on the stairs too!

Daddy finished this beautiful mural in just two days and I am in love with it! It was just what I had envisioned, and I can't wait for a precious little one to fall asleep in this peaceful environment. I am convinced they will be able to feel the love that it was painted with.

In other news, I had my required physical (Dr. said I was "a healthy 28 yr. old female"!), including the required TB test, flu shot, and Tdap (can you say "sore arm"??) and guess what? I don't have TB! Yay! Travis goes in for his physical and shots on Monday.

Most recently, we had our first in-home visit with our licensor. She was down to earth, relaxed, and kind, which put us at ease. After going over our home for a safety inspection, she didn't tell us much that we weren't expecting, which was a big relief. We have a few things to work on, but nothing major. Whew! Last night we had our first Caregiver Core Training session, which was great! Our trainers are sweet women with great heart and humor and I know we will enjoy the rest of the sessions. Since our group is so small they estimate being able to finish this first module in only two days instead of three, which would be great! Our second module of training (another three days- or maybe two!) is scheduled for the end of this month. 

So what's left? A bit more paperwork, Travis's medical, finishing training, and one final in-home visit. And in the meantime we continue to ready the baby room and purchase a few things (whatever we can that isn't too age-specific). Then? Then we wait for our licensor to write her home study, wait for approval, and...then we wait for a placement! This whole process has really served to get us excited! We are still super nervous and at times horrendously frightened, but never have we lost the sense of peace that we are exactly where God wants us to be. Thank you ever so much for continuing to pray with us as we make decisions, answer questions, and forge ahead. Your support and encouragement means the world to us!

Fostering Joy...

Dear friends, I know it's been awhile since I've written anything about our adoption journey. We've been in a decision making process, but now we're ready to share. Before I update you on the present, let me rewind a little. Most of you probably know that a little over a year ago, we shared our intention to adopt privately, hoping to make a match with a family in need of adoptive parents for their child (if you need to get caught up on that, read this post). Since then, we've had three different situations of potential adoptions come up, all eventually falling through. In November we had two situations back to back, one stringing us out in uncertainty for over a month. In late summer we had been considering whether to apply to an agency or go the direction of foster care, but when the two situations came up, those thoughts took a back seat. When it was all over, we felt pretty drained. As detached as we strove to be, the emotional roller coaster took its toll on us.  We decided to take the time over the holidays to let it all rest, and to think and pray separately, without discussing our feelings much between ourselves or with others.

After the new year, we began to talk and found that the Lord had laid the same thing on both of our hearts- in different ways. Foster care.

Looking back, I know the Lord was beginning to work on my heart much earlier in the year. Two of our friends began doing foster care last year. A family member whose daughter is doing foster care got my parents interested in it. Several others mentioned it to us as a possibility. Just little drops, here and there, the soft rain of conviction falling on my heart. I think the thing about it that I have had the most trouble with is the idea of the grief. I know my own heart, and how attached I will be to whatever children come into our home, and very honestly and simply I am afraid of the pain, the grief that loving them will cause me if they must leave one day. To those of you who are mothers, maybe this is a fear that is natural to every kind of motherhood, but it's a new idea to me! No matter how I fought it, he Lord began to speak to my heart and convict me of the selfish undercurrent of that fear. These questions began to reverberate through my mind...as a Christian, do I have the right to ask for a pain-free life? Out of everyone in the world, shouldn't we be the ones reaching out to help the helpless and needy? What does it really mean to put the needs of another above my own? What does it really mean to take up my cross, deny myself, and follow Christ? Am I prepared to take that command seriously? Why not me? Why not us? And despite the fear, I began to feel excited about what God might do, how He might use us, the joy of a new adventure, the promise of growth as He stretches us to meet the challenge He's called us to...and miraculously, my husband felt the same. God has been working on us both.

I think we are ready for a new journey. The joys and the pain. How my heart aches to think of the many children needing safety and security. How my hearts rejoices to think that God may use us to heal some of those hurts and provide a place where children can be assured they are loved, valued, and safe. Our goal is still to adopt one day, whether through foster care or otherwise, but we are opening ourselves and our home up to whatever the Lord has for us, be it permanent or just for a season.

So the last month or so we've been preparing our home as well as our hearts. We've cleaned out the home office to turn it into a nursery/bedroom (not a quick project...it's crazy how much stuff you accumulate in only 5 years!)- the paint is barely dry! It's been a good time for us to sort and think and pray and dream...

Which brings us to today. We are finally ready to begin the application process! Tomorrow is our first real official step- orientation, where we understand we will also receive an application packet. Then begins loads of paperwork, home visits and inspections, training, etc...it is supposed to be at least a 90 day process.

We would so appreciate your prayers as we wade into this sea of unknowns. We are excited about the possibility of having a child in our home at last, but apprehensive about the myriad of challenges involved. Please pray for wisdom, strength, joy, peace, and unity for us as a couple. Practically, please pray about the many decisions we'll be making during our application process, for the house to pass safety checks, for our health & stamina, for us to establish good relationships with our social worker and others involved, and for God to supply the finances, baby paraphernalia, etc. that we will need to prepare our home. We know this thing that God has called us to is both a great privilege and a great responsibility, and also waaay over our heads. We are going to need to rely on His strength for every step. Your prayers, support and encouragement are going to be invaluable to us!

And so, in the midst of our fear and uncertainty, we pray that in our hearts and yours God will foster joy. The joy of using the resources we've been blessed with to benefit those who are weak and helpless. The joy of committing to follow Christ no matter how hard. The joy of sacrificing self for another.

"...walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with 

JOY." 

- Colossians 1:10-11 

Trusting God When the Answer Isn't What You Want or Expect

When Travis and I were engaged and first married, we had many conversations about family planning (as most couples do!). God was tugging on our hearts to surrender that area of our lives, like everything else, to Him. To let Him be our family planner. Call it "family un-planning" if you like- we were convinced we were prepared to take whatever He would bring. Which, of course we thought would be children. Immediately and in great numbers! That was the issue of faith we wrestled with- trusting God with however many kids He would give us (which, of course, we assumed would be many since we weren't going to do anything to prevent it!).

What never crossed our minds was that God might choose to plan our family in a way other than showering us immediately with numerous children (what we wanted). Over the last nearly five years He has done exactly the opposite. How many times our hearts have cried "when we said we would trust You with our family planning we thought that would mean children! Not this emptiness and waiting!" Were we prepared to trust Him when He answered our trust with what we did not want or expect?

The last few months the Lord has been showing me that I need to trust Him with our family "un-planning" when He doesn't give children for all the same reasons we were prepared to trust Him if He did.

One of the main reasons is that we believe God is sovereign over all things, including the womb (see Gen. 20:18; 29:31; 30:22, 1 Sam. 1:5, 6; Psalm 103:19; Luke 1:31). While I had always believed this, I see particularly now not only at the fact that God has the power to open the womb, but that He also has the power to close it! If He is the God of all things, this too is in His control.

If I believe that God is in control and that He is good, doesn't it follow that I should trust Him when He gives what I expect and when He doesn't? My faith is strengthened as I realize more and more that this period of time while we are waiting on God for His timing and His ways (and experiencing a perhaps temporary "no") is all in His control. It's all part of a bigger plan.

We are still trusting God to plan our family. We just know now that that may mean no children, one child, a few children, many children, adopted children, foster children...our God is creative and good and knows just what we need.

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9

Oh, the adventure of a surrendered life! May I have the faith-strength and endurance to run the race set before me as God surprises me at every turn!

Oh Lord, you know my faith is so weak. It is easy to trust You when I think I know what the outcome will be. Please grow my faith as I try to trust You when the answer is different than I want or expect.