Dear friends, I know it's been awhile since I've written anything about our adoption journey. We've been in a decision making process, but now we're ready to share. Before I update you on the present, let me rewind a little. Most of you probably know that a little over a year ago, we shared our intention to adopt privately, hoping to make a match with a family in need of adoptive parents for their child (if you need to get caught up on that, read this post). Since then, we've had three different situations of potential adoptions come up, all eventually falling through. In November we had two situations back to back, one stringing us out in uncertainty for over a month. In late summer we had been considering whether to apply to an agency or go the direction of foster care, but when the two situations came up, those thoughts took a back seat. When it was all over, we felt pretty drained. As detached as we strove to be, the emotional roller coaster took its toll on us. We decided to take the time over the holidays to let it all rest, and to think and pray separately, without discussing our feelings much between ourselves or with others.
After the new year, we began to talk and found that the Lord had laid the same thing on both of our hearts- in different ways. Foster care.
Looking back, I know the Lord was beginning to work on my heart much earlier in the year. Two of our friends began doing foster care last year. A family member whose daughter is doing foster care got my parents interested in it. Several others mentioned it to us as a possibility. Just little drops, here and there, the soft rain of conviction falling on my heart. I think the thing about it that I have had the most trouble with is the idea of the grief. I know my own heart, and how attached I will be to whatever children come into our home, and very honestly and simply I am afraid of the pain, the grief that loving them will cause me if they must leave one day. To those of you who are mothers, maybe this is a fear that is natural to every kind of motherhood, but it's a new idea to me! No matter how I fought it, he Lord began to speak to my heart and convict me of the selfish undercurrent of that fear. These questions began to reverberate through my mind...as a Christian, do I have the right to ask for a pain-free life? Out of everyone in the world, shouldn't we be the ones reaching out to help the helpless and needy? What does it really mean to put the needs of another above my own? What does it really mean to take up my cross, deny myself, and follow Christ? Am I prepared to take that command seriously? Why not me? Why not us? And despite the fear, I began to feel excited about what God might do, how He might use us, the joy of a new adventure, the promise of growth as He stretches us to meet the challenge He's called us to...and miraculously, my husband felt the same. God has been working on us both.
I think we are ready for a new journey. The joys and the pain. How my heart aches to think of the many children needing safety and security. How my hearts rejoices to think that God may use us to heal some of those hurts and provide a place where children can be assured they are loved, valued, and safe. Our goal is still to adopt one day, whether through foster care or otherwise, but we are opening ourselves and our home up to whatever the Lord has for us, be it permanent or just for a season.
So the last month or so we've been preparing our home as well as our hearts. We've cleaned out the home office to turn it into a nursery/bedroom (not a quick project...it's crazy how much stuff you accumulate in only 5 years!)- the paint is barely dry! It's been a good time for us to sort and think and pray and dream...
Which brings us to today. We are finally ready to begin the application process! Tomorrow is our first real official step- orientation, where we understand we will also receive an application packet. Then begins loads of paperwork, home visits and inspections, training, etc...it is supposed to be at least a 90 day process.
We would so appreciate your prayers as we wade into this sea of unknowns. We are excited about the possibility of having a child in our home at last, but apprehensive about the myriad of challenges involved. Please pray for wisdom, strength, joy, peace, and unity for us as a couple. Practically, please pray about the many decisions we'll be making during our application process, for the house to pass safety checks, for our health & stamina, for us to establish good relationships with our social worker and others involved, and for God to supply the finances, baby paraphernalia, etc. that we will need to prepare our home. We know this thing that God has called us to is both a great privilege and a great responsibility, and also waaay over our heads. We are going to need to rely on His strength for every step. Your prayers, support and encouragement are going to be invaluable to us!
And so, in the midst of our fear and uncertainty, we pray that in our hearts and yours God will foster joy. The joy of using the resources we've been blessed with to benefit those who are weak and helpless. The joy of committing to follow Christ no matter how hard. The joy of sacrificing self for another.
"...walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with
JOY."
- Colossians 1:10-11
